Destructive, Negative Thinking Stresses Out Father Of Three – Stress Question, Answered!

March 2007 Winner of $100 Cash Prize, Victor M. of Georgia. Congratulations, Victor! Now let's try to bust his stress...

The Stress Question:

"My daily thoughts surround the worst case scenario of what might happen as opposed to what will. As a father of three, working two jobs, I still find myself at times frozen and unable to gather my bearings to fulfill my plans. I am affecting my wife, my children, our finances, and its getting worse. How can I gain control and move us forward to a better place?"

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The Stress Solution:

Dear Victor,

By the sounds of it, you have a wild imagination of the "World of What Ifs."

You've pinned the tail on the donkey: your worries about what may happen are affecting what will. So you freeze up and allow those "maybe" scenarios to overwhelm you.

My concern is that, by stressing yourself out about what will likely never happen, you're affecting the health and well-being of yourself and your family. Of course, we both know this isn't your intention.

Worrying about unrealistic and improbable situations is destructive, yet addictive, isn't it? It's hard to snap out of the daze because each "what if" can be endlessly followed by another until you've completely exhausted yourself.

See, you already know that what really happens fits comfortably between two extremes, but it's hard to convince yourself of this once you enter the vicious "World of What Ifs."

Solutions To Negative Thinking

I offer some specific strategies for breaking away from this destructive cycle in the "Relax" chapter of the Stress Busters Toolkit as well as the "Anxiety," "Insecurity," and "Perfectionism" sections of the Stress Solutions Guide, but I want to offer you one quick tip.

The instant a doomsday thought comes to mind, re-channel the energy (that you would typically use to worry) into something positive. This is all about re-training your thoughts by spinning a negative into a positive so you can move forward.

You can do any number of things to re-channel your energy – think of a past success, work on a puzzle, exercise, move onto another task, or find some funny jokes online – whatever it is, make sure it's positive and can be done instantly. The longer you stay in a destructive thinking cycle, the more damage it'll wreak.

Stand Up, Speak Up, And Be Heard!

Strive to speak honestly with your wife about your thoughts and feelings. She's your partner for a reason, so there's no use in flying solo on this. By being upfront with her, she'll at least be able to provide comfort and support, and may have some suggestions that will help. Understandably, it may be difficult to open up at first and that's okay. We all need to rely on our families sometimes, but that doesn't mean we're weak or a bad parent or partner. It actually shows great strength and trust to open up and speak about what we want to improve upon.

Remember, if your wife can't get into your head, she'll only assume that everything is a-okay, when you really need her love and support. Or worse yet, she may be led to believe that you're actions are intentional, when really you're only trying to be compassionate and express your concerns. So, try to explain how your thinking process is affecting your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

I've helped other clients transform their destructive thinking into productive thoughts and actions through other strategies and activities. I would really love to help you, too. Send me an email and we can chat about it.

About the Stress Expert

Ronnie Nijmeh is the president of ACQYR and the author of Stress Busters, a stress toolkit packed with solutions, worksheets and strategies adapted to your life. To learn more about Stress Busters, visit: http://www.acqyr.com/ACQYR_Stress_Busters